heronqueenblues:

do you think anyone has sat through an entire pornographic movie while masturbating

not like sitting through Deepthroat for entertainment purposes or anything I mean touching your genitals with the intention of having an orgasm

I always say “this time I’m gonna watch the whole thing, gonna pace myself” and then three minutes in I’m already out

4 grown redneck men sneaking out the back of their house in a facebook photo titled “the boys sneakin out for some ccc :)” (crocodile cunt session (they believe session is spelled with a c)) in an honest-to-god attempt to fuck crocodiles (aka a favorite pasttime of “gator poon” as coined by the boys despite the two being completely separate animals). their wives and distant cousins comment on the photo with “lol :)” and other menial shit unknowing to them that their husbands are LITERALLY cheating on them with fucking crocodiles. as a result of them eventually finding out this despicable act, one of the husbands sits attentively like a child would as something he’d done wrong is explained to him by his backwater and arguably borderline retarded yet slightly less retarded wife criticizes him for the unspeakable FUCKING thing he just did. the husband, in an attempt to “make things all better” grabs his shotgun and kills the crocodile as if it were the crocodile’s fault that HE had sex with it. keep in mind, in the original photo, those of the men wearing hats have them tipped down as they are very nervous of getting caught during this as opposed to the usual constant fucking barrage of hysteric, overjoyed, and child-like demeanor typically associated with “fart jokes” that is usually held amongst them.